In the Bible it says:
“Some Pharisees came to him and to test him they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning made them male and female.’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?’ He said to them, ‘It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery.” Matthew 19:3-9
50% of all marriages with children who have special needs in this country end in divorce.
That is a pretty steep statistic. I have heard some argue with it, but when I look at even our special needs community, I know it to be true. In fact, sometimes, I wonder if it is higher than that. None of us like to talk about it.
When we are honest about the reasons our children are born with a genetic syndrome, we must look at addiction. Alcoholism and drug addiction runs high in many of our families. Unfortunately, unhealed addiction leads to destruction.
Destruction can lead to adultery.
It is the dark cloud hanging over any woman’s head, is she married an addicted man. It is as if she has done something wrong. Yet, typically, the woman is the one tirelessly caring for her special needs child and her other children. She is the one is working at home, or at a job trying to make ends meet. He is the one struggling or refusing to face his emotions from the past and the present.
Yet, far too many religious church people point the finger accusingly at the woman in a family. They tell HER to pray. They tell HER to make amends. She should pray, but she cannot make amends. She cannot remain unequally yoked with destruction. Only God can keep a marriage together.
But, they ask nothing of the adulterous man, except to go back to the woman he married. They act as if she can fix him, as if she is God. They assume the LORD wants her to take him back with his abuse, addiction and adulteries. Not to mention, put the children and the wife in danger. Yet, such unions so prevalent in our modern church don’t save anyone.
Jesus knew this, of course, and He wasn’t talking to the women in Matthew 19. He was talking to the MEN. The men in those days were the only ones allowed to get a divorce, not the women. I know the translations of other Bible books have confused the issue, but look at what Jesus said in the verses above.
There is Biblical divorce.
Truly, let no man separate what God joined together.
And likewise, do not humanly attempt to put back together what has separated. If you are separated from your husband because of abuse, addiction or adultery or all three, leave it that way. Do not set course to restore your marriage, not because God does not want restoration. He does, but your husband must want it to, or the cycle of destruction will start all over again.
The Bible tells us to turn a sexually immoral man over to Satan. (1 Corinthians 5:4-5)
The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
The Bible tells us to allow non-Christians to go on their way and to live in peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)
To stay married to destruction only leads to death. Addiction always leads to abuse if we put ourselves in harm’s way. However, if we are put in harm’s way through the court system, step carefully in the Spirit. The LORD will carry you through.
I write this to encourage you about Biblical divorce.
If you know you are on a journey of divorce, then be encouraged. God may hate men to divorce their wives, but it is because THEY were being hard-hearted. If a man is hard-hearted, he is not listening to his Creator. He certainly doesn’t love his wife.
I have been through this valley. I went through divorce and my sons and I went through abuse. But, we survived. We even flourished the farther away I physically and emotionally pulled us away from him. It has been nothing but a blessing! You can read more about it in my book.
Let your accusers point their fingers, because God will turn their deeds on their own heads. There is Biblical divorce and it will bring you peace.