I am a victim of domestic violence.
I didn’t do this to myself.
It isn’t my fault, or the fault of my children, but that is not what we were told.
This most difficult thing I struggle with is why this has happened to my children, and why I could not stop it.
I cannot undo what one abusive man did to our family.
But I can pray and work to restore myself and my children. I can marry again, but this time with a man who loves us. I can also refuse to buy into the evil distortion that continuing a “marriage” with abuse is of God. First of all, abusive unions are not marriage—that would require a basic element of trust and mutual love and understanding. Yes, there are dark seasons in marriage, especially with the stress of having a special needs child, or children, but God does not justify abuse.
God made marriage between a man and a woman, yes, but He also created marriage with a specific order. Man is created by God and then woman is created from man. The two make a complete covenant, because she was taken from him (Genesis). Both are a reflection of the Creator. So, when man is right before God (i.e. a Believer, and not abusive), then he can love and protect his other half in covenant. Likewise, a man like this breeds trust and a feeling of safety in the woman, who then readily serves the man she is in covenant with. The beauty of this is that the Spirit of God balances what is lacking in a covenant relationship between two imperfect people.
So, Shades of Grey just leads to an icky feeling within me.
Not just because of what I went through, but because of what it has done to our American society, and how it colors my young adult son’s world. No, I will never see the movie; I have no desire to. I am a Kingdom Builder, not a World Builder.
So it restores in me, a thankfulness that I taught my son purity in his relationships and in marriage, as well as a respect for women. I am thankful that I taught him how to follow God through daily example, and yes, extreme trials and abuse. I am thankful that I taught him that Islam is not Christian, but it is a religion against the people, all before the world exploded with terroristic threats. Not because I am a perfect parent, but because I was led by the Spirit of God to do so.
And, apparently, I am so sheltered from the sexually immoral culture that I did not even know Shades of Grey existed until the movie was released, nor did I understand anything like that could even become part of our mainstream culture. Neither did I even dream of the idea that three men could get married, and the video would go viral (Google it and I am sure you will find it.).
Can we ever fully see what the future holds?
All of this ickiness just plain distorts marriage.
Our non-Christian culture distorts marriage with sexual impurity and violence, but the problem is, that the Church has distorted Christianity, which has distorted Christian marriage. The church is not always a place of shelter, not because the people are imperfect, but because the expectation has become religious perfection, devoid of the Spirit of God.
You see, we have made it such a pop culture, filled with lights, camera and action, in order to reach the unsaved, that we miss the real needs of the people we reel into the church. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is fun, but tapping into the Spirit of God should be a higher priority (and, yes, it can also be a vehicle to create atmosphere). Yet, God tells us to care for widows and orphans in their distress. We are called to reach out to the unsaved, but care for the needs of the Body. We are called to push out the sexually immoral. The Word of God says:
But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves. 1 Corinthians 5:13
Yet, in many cases, they are brought in. They are wolves among the sheep.
We become so accustomed to the culture of fake purity, that many people are sick and abusive on the inside, yet cover it up on the outside. No one thinks any different on Sunday morning, because many people plant smiles on their faces to cover up their dark hearts. Others hide their tears in fear and/or discouragement. Some flat out refuse to help certain “factions” in the Church. Everyone dresses and sometimes acts the part, but the Real Church needs to pray for spiritual discernment to remove the black sheep from among us.
Even worse, people are bleeding in unequally yoked and abusive marriages in this sort of toxic culture, and the Church thinks they can walk on by and do nothing.
This leads to a movement in the Church to martyr women and children.
And it isn’t always unintentional, unfortunately.
When it comes to domestic violence in the Church, there has been a big cover-up. You know, don’t talk about it, and when a woman speaks out, tell her to submit and pray for her husband. Such people treat the abuser as if he is a Christian. The problem is, God did not call us, as women, to submit to evil and abuse. When Paul suggests that Sara won Abraham over because she called him Lord, it was because she could not call him husband.
With Christ as our Savior, the Lord releases us from non-Christian men. A woman of God must follow the Spirit of God, or be pulled down by a non-Christian husband’s abuse.
The truth of the matter is: If a man says he is a Christian, but abuses his family, he does not know what a Christian is. And, at this point, the Body of Christ needs to treat him for what he is: a non-Christian. The Church is called to protect the abuser’s victims, and drive him out of the church. For, I tell you, he will only abuse his victims over and over again when given the chance. He has not, and is not choosing the way of God.
It is against the Word of God, to attempt to force women and children into unequally yoked marriages and relationships. The Church is sacrificing the very people whom they are supposed to protect. Paul spoke against such relationships (2 Corinthians 6:14). So, why would pastors and leaders in the Church encourage otherwise? I tell you, we have followed religion and not the Spirit of God in this matter.
We need to return to the Biblical definition of marriage.
It is the antichrist who promotes homosexuality in marriage, and particularly a marriage of three. It is also the antichrist to both promote and support physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse in marriage. God did not create men and women this way, and He certainly didn’t tell us to go and change who we are biologically. Nor does it include having an affair and delving into pornography.
We must follow the Spirit of God, not religion.
Paul gave allowances to walk away from non-Christian marriages, and we would do better to heed the Word of God rather than act as if these words were never spoken….for the protection of women and children. We would do better to nurture and protect such women, instead of pushing them back to an evil idea of marriage. If God justifies divorce and re-marriage from abandonment situations, then why are some pushing so hard against that?
For God says:
For their rock is not like our Rock, as even our enemies concede. Their vine comes from the vine of Sodom, and from the fields of Gomorrah. Their grapes are filled with poison and their clusters with bitterness. Their wine is the venom of serpents, the deadly poison of cobras. Deuteronomy 32:31-33
We need #RealLove to rise up in the Church.
Won’t you join us? Won’t you join the call of Jesus Christ? He will conquer all. It is His call that we grow closer to Him, not follow religion. It is His call that we find rest in Christ, no matter what our station is in the world.
The Lord has brought this Season into play at this time in the world to show off the Bride of Christ, not because she is a perfect representation of modern Christian religion, but because she is a spotless Bride, pure and holy before Him and will shine His Brilliant Light before the world. She is being fed by the Word of God, not by serpents.
Nor because she is a perfect religious representation of the Church, but because she is a reflection of His Love and grace.
Prayers for safety and peace in your home, in Jesus Christ~Kim